Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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