id be glad to
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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