i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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