youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.