So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.