____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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