Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it