So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!