enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....