The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
