I CAN MOONWALK!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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