tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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