He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize