Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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