I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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