I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize