this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
