I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
birth control should be required to get into college
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
