My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Too much gin, very little bucket
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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