i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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