Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
