what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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