Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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