he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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