I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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