To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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