dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
