I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
