I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's blow job season.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
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You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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