So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
