im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
