remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
