Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
