I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
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When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize