yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
