this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
