all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
