I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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