I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize