he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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