I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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