I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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