we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
