I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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