wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
