Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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