my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
