I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize