I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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