You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
