You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
