so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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