I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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