he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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