mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
