It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
