dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
