he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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