I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
