Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
