I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
