Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
