You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
