Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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