I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
