found the other keg... it's in the tree
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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