My pussy is not your playground.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
