Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize