She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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